Stand

So this has been quite a week.. I think I have cried more in the last 4 days then I have since Jonathan and I broke up...I think you come to a point where God has to break  you of things to get you to a better place...I am learning alot sounds like some of my other posts..But this letting go has been the hardest thing I think I have  done in so long..Tonight I decided that I needed my space from someone..Because it was not fair to be stuck in some weird middle ground...Friendship is very fleeting and is a gift that is not always ready to be given...You need time, time to grow up, time to heal, time to let God in...So here I stand...This is not easy, but worse things have happened and even though it hurts, it feels good to hurt...I know it draws a person closer to God...So I am going to "Stand" with God behind me, in front of me and beside me...

"Stand"

You feel like a candle in a hurricane
Just like a picture with a broken frame
Alone and helpless
Like you've lost your fight
But you'll be alright

[Chorus:]
Cause when push comes to shove
You taste what you're made of
You might bend, till you break
Cause its all you can take
On your knees you look up
Decide you've had enough
You get mad you get strong
Wipe your hands shake it off
Then you Stand, Then you stand
Life's like a novel
With the end ripped out
The edge of a canyon
With only one way down
Take what you're given before its gone
Start holding on, keep holding on

[Repeat Chorus]

Everytime you get up
And get back in the race
One more small piece of you
Starts to fall into place
Ooohhh

[Repeat Chorus]

Where I am at...

Wow,this month is flying by..I am extremely busy most of the time..

Take last weekend for example--I went out to dinner with Aryn at Cheeseburger Paradise, then went with her, Todd, Juliana and Justin to see Fat Dog (a band at Lazy Chameleon), then I went back to Justin's w/ Aryn and him and hung out and watched Grey's Anatomy...Saturday I went to lunch with my mom, had coffee w/ Michelle, then went bowling with Matt(Susan), Todd, Patience, Patrick, Jason and Juliana visited for awhile...Then Sunday was church, which by the way the teaching was awsome, Eric Pickerll had such intensity I wish he gave more messages like that at Joshua House..Then Juliana and I went to lunch at China House, then Celestes surprise birthday dinner, then J-House, then hang out time with a friend...

Also work is insane this month, we are finally getting into busy season, which means a new adventure everyday..Even though it is very stressful, I can see so many areas where God is working and providing me with more patience, energy, and compassion..I am very thankful to have a job where I do not fear to talk about what happened at church or what I am struggling with in my life with my boss..

It has been over a month since Jonathan and I broke up...There are moments of sadness, peace, tears, anger, happiness, contentment..A whole range--I can see where God is working in me through this situation. 

It has opened my eyes to who I am again  in Christ and as a person...I feel like I have been awakened after sleeping to discover who I really am again...I like myself like this, and I want so much to continue to grow and change with God...

THE HEART OF WORSHIP

When the music fades, all is stripped away

And I simply come,

Longing just to bring, something that’s of worth

That will bless Your heart.

   I’ll bring you more than a song,

   For a song in itself is not what you have required

   You search much deeper within

   Through the way things appear,

   You’re looking into my heart

   I’m coming back to the heart of worship

   And it’s all about You, it’s all about You, Jesus.

   I’m sorry, Lord, for the thing I’ve made it

   When it’s all about You, it’s all about You, Jesus

Both of these songs really hit home on how I feel today...I have been listening to them alot since I got Carrie Underwood's cd.  Tonight Jonathan and I meet to exchange the last of things we had of each others..Tonight was alot harder than the actual break up, seeing how much pain each of us was in, yet all the while knowing this is for the best for both of us...I still respect and care a great deal for him and I appreciate all the growth and changes that came from our relationship...

Though tonight was hard, I have hope and know God will comfort each of us according to our needs...Time does heal wounds..

"Starts With Goodbye"

I was sitting on my doorstep,
I hung up the phone and it fell out of my hand,
But I knew I had to do it,
And he wouldn't understand,
So hard to see myself without him,
I felt a piece of my heart break,
But when you're standing at a crossroad,
There's a choice you gotta make.

[Chorus:]
I guess it's gonna have to hurt,
I guess I'm gonna have to cry,
And let go of some things I've loved,
To get to the other side,
I guess it's gonna break me down,
Like falling when you try to fly,
It's sad, but sometimes moving on with the rest of your life,
Starts with goodbye.

I know there's a blue horizon,
Somewhere up ahead, just waiting for me,
Getting there means leaving things behind,
Sometimes life's so bitter sweet.

[Chorus:]
I guess it's gonna have to hurt,
I guess I'm gonna have to cry,
And let go of some things I've loved,
To get to the other side,
I guess it's gonna break me down,
Like falling when you try to fly,
It's sad, but sometimes moving on with the rest of your life,
Starts with goodbye.

Time, time heals,
The wounds that you feel,
Somehow, right now.

[Chorus:]
I guess it's gonna have to hurt,
I guess I'm gonna have to cry,
And let go of some things I've loved,
To get to the other side,
I guess it's gonna break me down,
Like falling when you try to fly,
It's sad, but sometimes moving on with the rest of your life,
Starts with goodbye,
I guess I'm gonna have to cry,
And let go of some things I've loved,
To get to the other side,
Starts with goodbye,
The only way you try to find,
Moving on with the rest of your life,
Starts with goodbye,
Na na na na na na na.
 
 
 

"Whenever You Remember"

When you look back on times we had
I hope you smile
And know that through the good and through the bad
I was on your side when nobody could hold us down
We claimed the brightest star
And we, we came so far
And no they won't forget

[Chorus]
Whenever you remember times gone by
Remember how we held our heads so high
When all this world was there for us
And we believe that we could touch the sky
Whenever you remember, I'll be there
Remember how we reached that dream together
Whenever you remember

When you think back on all we've done
I hope you're proud
When you look back and see how far we've come
It was our time to shine
And nobody could hold us down
They thought they'd see us fall
But we, we stood so tall
And no we won't forget

Whenever you remember times gone by
Remember how we held our heads so high
When all this world was there for us
And we believe that we could touch the sky
Whenever you remember, I'll be there
Remember how we reached that dream together
Whenever you remember

Yeahhh, Ooohh

We claimed the brightest star
And we, we came so far
And know that we showed them all
And no they won't forget

Yeahhh

Whenever you remember times gone by
Remember how we held our heads so high
When all this world was there for us
And we believe that we could touch the sky
Whenever you remember, I'll be there
Remember how we reached that dream together
Whenever you remember

Whenever you remember

Ooohh, whenever you remember

First Week

Wow what a difference a week makes...In short span of time so much changed.  The break up changed alot for both the good and the bad.  There is so much I wish I could say, but it is to private and too personal to say on the internet...Amazing isn't it how the internet is supposed to open up so many doors, yet there are certain doors that should always remain closed because it is a person's life and emotions on the line.

Somethings I have learned this week:  getting back to myself is both rewarding and challenging--so very much worth it....friends really do care, even if they live hours away or down the road...my family is still my bed rock and with out my parents support things would be so much harder...people at work can be really cool and supportive through things that do not involve your professional lives...it is okay to miss a great miss-that person who was once part of your dreams...I do feel again and so much about so many things...Finally the most important me and God.  What  a difference a week makes---I feel God so much, living and breathing all around me..God is in the wind, the sun, the eyes of people I work with and pass throughout my day...God is the tears you cry from happiness or pain, God is the difference in the silence that matters...Now comes the hard part acting on things I am learning making changes such as trusting God first and foremost...I do not know how but stepping out in faith...